steve in hollywood

Well, at least if you believe certain scaremongering websites. You see, since I moved to Hollywood, I acquired a new condition: body self-consciousness. This is because I don’t have the body of say, Brad Pitt in Troy. I’ve always been in good shape, but as you may know, every leading man in movies has a six-pack (or they don’t take off their shirt.)

Curse you, Brad Pitt!

So, now I feel markedly inferior and am doing my best to lose every ounce of fat from my body. Unfortunately, my fat comes in pounds, not ounces. According to the fitness trainer when I got checked with those funky calipers that grab enormous blobs of fat that you didn’t even know you had, I am 17% body fat. Whereas, Brad Pitt, in that picture, is negative 9%. His body actually destroys fat it comes in contact with.

Sweeteners of Death

Never in my life had I consumed diet soda, unless I was at a party and it was either that or warm vodka. However, my roommate, who is on his own diet regimen, recommended to me a magical drink: Diet Barq’s root beer. This stuff tastes just like root beer. It is truly amazing. However, according to some sites, it is liquid death. My favorite web article says this:

Aspartame is, by far, the most dangerous substance on the market that is added to foods.

More than bacon? The article goes on to list all the horrible things that will happen to you if you have Aspartame, a.k.a Nutrasweet.

• Multiple sclerosis (MS)
• ALS
• Memory loss
• Hormonal problems
• Hearing loss
• Epilepsy
• Alzheimer’s disease
• Parkinson’s disease
• Hypoglycemia
• AIDS
• Dementia
• Brain lesions
• Neuroendocrine disorders

Panicking yet? Sit down, have a valium, and prepare yourself for Splenda! Last night I bought some Ralph’s “lite” yogurt (stupid diet) and it boasted “sweetened with Splenda.” I figure if it is something to brag about it must be better, safer, newer, and cooler than aspartame right?

This article is titled, “Splenda, a sweet poison.” Not to mention that another article says, “The manufacturer’s own short-term studies showed that sucralose caused shrunken thymus glands and enlarged livers and kidneys in rodents. But in this case, the FDA decided that because these studies weren’t based on human test animals, they were not conclusive.”

So, the good news is soon I will look like Brad Pitt (well, from the neck down.) The bad news is, I’m going to die of sweetener induced complications. Ah well, as they say, “Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.”

Picture of the Day

This is just around the corner of the street I live on in Glendale, CA. Feel free to exude jealousy.