steve in hollywood

This week, I decided to take a page (the front one, actually) from supermarket Tabloids: use ridiculously impossible headlines to boost readership. So, I officially welcome you to:

Bizarre Tabloid Headline Week 

As far as I know, Tom Cruise is still a Scientologist and Katie is alive and well, but I did hear a rumor from a guy who once walked in front of a Scientology office that he heard a guy named “Tom” might think about quitting if his wife died.

But this is Fan Mail Monday? 

Yes, it still is. You would not believe this but my fan mail total has doubled since last week. That’s right, I received two fan mails. I can hardly contain my excitement! Will I receive exponential growth in email? (Should I count the cease and desist emails I will start getting from Scientology lawyers?)  If you want to ask me questions about Hollywood and my life out here, this is the email:

steveinhollywoodblog -AT- yahoo.com

Here’s the fan mail.

La Steve,

What is the satisfaction/misery ratio out there amongst those that still haven’t “made-it”?  Meaning, how many people keep their chins up, determined to grind until they achieve their dreams, and how many are wallowing in discouragement and misery, wondering if they will ever get what they came for?  I’m specifically referring to those looking to break into the “biz”. (We all know what “biz” I’m referring to, right?  Good.)  Are most of the dreamers fairly talented?  Or are they mostly delusional? — Zach in NC

Ooh, “La Steve.” It sounds French. Zach, this is a great question. This is an amazing question.  I’ll get right on it.

I meet dozens of wannabe actors doing extra work. Remember how I mentioned earlier that the requirement for this type of work is the intelligence of a moist potato. Well, some of these people barely meet that requirement. That’s right, I would even say a majority of “actors” out here have neither brains nor talent* and I often wonder, when they were packing up all their belongings and saying goodbye to the family dog, someone who loved them didn’t actually say, “Don’t do it. Really. Just…don’t.”

I thought about how to answer this question without sounding like a complete jackass and then decided there was no way to do so and to just tell you my honest opinion about it. The problem with these potato heads is that they are literally too dumb to realize they are failing miserably at “making it” in the biz. So, yes, delusional is a good word. The scary thing is that these people have a degree in theatre and basically no other job skills whatsoever so they are betting it all they will make it.

There are a few talented people out here, and a large majority of them are extremely arrogant, even though the ones I meet have not had one speaking part in Hollywood. They are nightmares to work with from day one. I think that the people who finally do give up decide to go back home, or they just take another type of job out here for a while. A lot of them end up taking behind the camera jobs because there is such a huge demand for crew out here and some crew positions are pretty easy to do.

So, actors out here in LA reading this: let me know if this has been your experience as well. If you do agree with me, at least it will make me look like less of a jackass.

Picture of the Day

What else is there to say? It’s the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles. Looks like we just missed the last performance.

*I’m not saying I’m the brainiest or most talented in the world either, but last time I played checkers with Mr. Moist Potato, I won hands down. 

Often I will meet celebrities at sci-fi conventions, because I am a big nerd. A lot of actors are invited to these things as guests. Some of them actually show up. I remember when I met Marc Singer, who was in V (the one with the green lizard aliens, not Vendetta) and also Beastmaster. He still looks great for… whatever age he is. I always ask these actors, like Mark, what advice they have for me. Marc said to study Shakespeare, that was the key. He also said I had the look for L.A. and I should do well. Richard Hatch (the Battlestar Galactica one, not the naked on Survivor one) gave me some great advice as well. But I’ll never forget what Claudia Christian said, who was in Babylon 5.

“Go home.”

That was her advice. Such a sweet lady. This is her picture, so in case you see her coming you can hurry and run the other way.

One nice thing though, I just did a search for her picture and saw her naked. Sorry, can’t post that one. Just Google her name, you’ll see.

My Friend Lisa

Lisa was there during the infamous “tea kettle episode” as she is roommates with Allyson. Like many of us actors here, she is barely making ends meet. Her poor car is dying and she is trying to find a replacement. I was able to fit her into my busy actor’s schedule today and give her a ride to Hollywood to an audition. I walked into this quaint old theatre situated between tacky Hollywood trinket stores. The director was a short, hunched, smelly man with a gray beard. He talked in a very soft voice and didn’t hear too well. He also smelled like old must. He looked more like the janitor than anyone else. Well, anyway Lisa is responsible for my picture of the day (POTD!) because I actually got a good one walking down Hollywood boulevard, but first, here is Lisa:

This is what she gets for putting her headshot up on Myspace. Be glad I picked this photo Lisa. You know what I’m talking about.

Picture of the Day

While I was waiting for Lisa to audition, I saw one of those costumed crazy people I told you about that charge tourists for pictures with them. So, have a Hulk.

I had to get the picture with his back turned of course, because me no want to make Hulk angry.

Video of the Week

I hope I don’t regret this whole VOTW idea. Anyway, here is something relevant. I auditioned to host a TV show about tattoos… so I did an example hosting segment where they asked me to talk about myself and do some crazy things. My hair looks like crap, but oh well, here it is.

When I moved to Los Angeles, I remember thinking about how I would hate it here. How everyone was shallow, people would use you, traffic was terrible, and housing was ridiculous. I was surprised to learn that even though this was true to an extent, there is so much more to this place than I could imagine. I actually like it here a lot, and I may stay for quite a while. (Especially after I make it big and buy my Beverly Hills mansion.)

One piece of advice I got from my rock star friend: “Don’t date an actress, dude. They are crazy.” Well, I can confirm that many many actresses (and actors) here are indeed nuts. I think you have to be to even try what I am doing. Regardless, I have also found that to get a date in this town one of two things has to be true:

1) I have to be very, very rich.

2) I have to pretend to be very, very rich.

While #2 is probably the more likely outcome, I’m one of those guys that wants a girl to like me for me. So, I guess that means I’ll be a solo act for quite some time, or I’ll have to start playing for the other team.

One time I was on a set and there was this absolutely gorgeous girl there working on a scene with me. We were supposed to walk out of a restaurant together as a couple. I had tried to talk to her a little bit, and she was kind of forced to while we were waiting for them to set up the shot. I asked her about her career as an actress, and if she had any other job skills to fall back on. She didn’t. Acting was it. I then asked what happens if she doesn’t make it, and she said, “Don’t worry, I will be taken care of.”

Then it was time for our amazing “leaving the restaurant” shot. As soon as they said “action” she walked out of the restaurant as fast as possible without looking back, leaving me to chase like an idiot. The only way we looked like a couple is if we had been married for years and I forgot her birthday for the 10th time. I actually talked to her about it after the first take, saying we were supposed to look like we were a couple. She nodded. They shot the next take. She did it again. 

Picture of the Day

So, I wanted to take a picture of this nice house in Highland Park. It is a Craftsman style house. Apparently, my phone has decided that there is a worldwide pixel shortage and took this picture at a size that is actually smaller than the thumbnail would be. I guess this means I need to start taking my real camera with me to get pictures.

Remember when the Writers Guild of America (WGA) went on strike and you had to watch reruns of “24″ instead of new episodes? Well, me neither, since TV watching is way down in America since they invented the internet. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean since Al Gore invented it. Since you’re on the internet right now I think it’s more likely you have seen the new Weezer video, Pork n’ Beans, on YouTube. If you haven’t, that’s what that link is for, sheesh!

So, there are two major unions for actors here in Hollywood:

SAG: Screen Actors Guild

AFTRA: American Film and Television … um… something… Raw Artichokes. I don’t know, that’s what they get for using too many letters.

SAG is mostly for movies (what we in Hollywood call “films”) and AFTRA is mostly TV but also some film. Anyway, SAG is positioning themselves to go on strike. What this means is that a lot of TV and movies will again, come to a screeching halt and you’ll have to go back to watching the Numa Numa guy on Youtube. (Which is still better than a lot of what is on TV.)

See, the evil bad guy (so SAG wants you to think) in all of this, is the producers and studios group: AMPTP. Their reasoning goes like this: since you big producers and studios have all the money, we want more and more for our poor starving actors like Will Farrell. Ok, not really.* The real deal is that AFTRA and SAG usually negotiate together with AMPTP, but they had a fight in the playground and now AFTRA has a deal they negotiated and SAG doesn’t. Not only that but AFTRA’s vote on the deal is set for July 8th, and SAG is trying to encourage its members that are also AFTRA members to vote it down so it can have more leverage to bargain. Either way, it looks like SAG will strike once the results are in on AFTRA.

So, pay attention starting the 8th to see what your TV and movie options are going to be like for the next year. Since it takes months and sometimes years to make films, this potential strike can affect things for quite some time. One thing not affected by the strike: reality TV. It’s not union. So guess what? You will probably get more of it!

But what will happen to Steve?

Well, I’m not a SAG actor. I’m not union yet (no AFTRA either, very sad.) There are always non-union projects but they don’t pay as well, obviously. I have heard that during a strike SAG frowns upon any actors doing any work at all, even if you are non-union, so I don’t know what will happen. It could affect my ability to get into SAG at a future date, which I really, really have to do if I want to be in big movies. So, it may be that I will have to go back more seriously to my previous career in computers, or keep writing screenplays and blogs like this one. Either way, it is probably not good for my future acting career. Some big actors like Tom Hanks are openly campaigning that SAG not go on strike. Let’s hope that they are successful, for Steve’s sake.

Picture of the Day

Heck, I don’t know. Have a boat full of sushi.

*Please, please still let me into SAG!

My friend Allyson lives in Burbank, she’s an actress (of course.) She also is quite a tea lover. Usually when I visit she makes at least two pots of two different kinds of tea. You might be thinking, “Hey, is this going to be a blog about tea? Can I just skip to the flammables?” Well, the tea is important, so you must bear with me. While tea is not in itself flammable, tea is the culprit in this situation. Back to the story.

Allyson had some minor surgery on her leg so I was visiting her to keep her company. Allyson, if you are reading this, stop picking at the bandage. Ahem. So the first pot of tea she made was this barley tea (which, I think I bought her) and I like barley tea, but she added coconut oil to it. (It’s some kind of health thing.) When she finished that I said, “Can I make more tea?” She said yes, but:

“Don’t use the ceramic pot, it isn’t meant to go on the stove. Use the metal one.”

Now, I dare say you would have thought what I thought, which was: use the metal pot on the stove. So, I filled it up with water, turned on the stove, put it on, and left. Unfortunately, this was some special fancy type of metal pot: it was electric.

A few minutes later I smelled something akin to burning plastic. No wait, it was burning plastic. See, there’s some kind of plastic thingy on the bottom of these electric kettles that, well, boy it sure burns nice! I went into the kitchen to find quite the conflagration. I stood there staring at it for, I’d say, five seconds. I was thinking, “Why is this metal tea pot on fire? It should not be on fire. It’s supposed to be there on the stove, boiling the water!”

Then I decided to do… something. I turned off the gas. Still on fire. I took a metal spoon and moved the pot over to a back burner. The front burner stayed on fire. All of the plastic had melted into a flaming morass of goo. I thought, “Well, maybe it will burn itself out.” Then I thought, “Maybe not.” So I called out to my friend and her roommate, who will be forever known as “that Vietnamese boy.”

“Do you guys have a fire extinguisher?”

“What?” <- Allyson, in disbelief

“There is no time for “what?”, I need to know now.“

So, Allyson runs into the kitchen, puts her hands over her face and proceeds to freak out saying, “Oh my God, OH MY GOD!” However, super Vietnamese boy (sorry Q, I can’t help it) finds a fire extinguisher and lets it rip! And then he keeps letting it rip.

“Whoa! Okay! It’s out man! Stop!”

Turns out Allyson didn’t like that kettle that much anyway and she got a cute little red one she had spied out at Target.

Picture of the Day 

How to recognize the difference between an electric tea pot, and a regular one.

As I said last week, I will take Mondays to answer mail from readers (like you!) Well, after my magnificent launch of Fan Mail Monday, I received a deluge consisting of one email. I was touched. So, without further delay, here is the question!

Hiya, Steve! You wanted a question to answer, so here’s one. How much of Hollywood DOESN’T revolve around the entertainment industry? Are there people who just happen to live there and carry on their daily lives without regard for getting into film or TV? — Chris in GA

You have to understand Chris, my biggest fan ever, that “Hollywood” really isn’t a geographical area so much as a concept. If you go to the actual Hollywood here in the greater Los Angeles area, you will find an enormous tourist area. During the day the Walk of Fame stars will be crowded with Mom and Pop and sixteen kids from Nebraska. Don’t try to drive down Hollywood or Sunset blvd during the day. There are tons of little touristy knick-knack stores, and people on the street hawking tours and maps to the homes of the “stars.” There are also some crazy people who make their living by dressing up as super heroes and other film characters and charge tourists to get their picture taken with them. They just walk around Hollywood all day in the hot sun dressed as, say, The Mighty Thor (I met one of these who was missing a few teeth. Apparently dentistry is not big in Asgard.) Hollywood does have a club scene at night, but the parking is $10 usually, and then the cover for the club is $10, and then you get to stand around squished like sardines with people in a way too tiny club off of Sunset Blvd.

Much of Los Angeles is driven by the entertainment industry, it is true. However, one thing about LA: it is full of immigrants. I’m sure most of these people could care less about being in movies as they are busy working retail or service jobs just trying to pay the exorbitant rent prices that come with living here. Why they do it is a mystery to me, except that perhaps they like being with the large communities of people of their ethnicity. There is a reason one often hears the term “Mexifornia.”

The Email Address to Email me the Email Questions for Fan Mail 

Well, since this week was a raging success, I want to put up the address for you all to ask me your questions about Hollywood! Here it is:

steveinhollywoodblog -AT- yahoo.com

Please, send me something to answer!

Picture of the Day

Just for you, Biggest Fan Chris, you get my own personal guide map to Los Angeles!

Unsurprisingly, people die. However, when someone famous dies, everyone hears about it. If it is a Hollywood actor, then we reminisce about all the roles we saw them in on the big screen. Yet, most of the time we have no idea who the person really is, behind all the characters they played. The death of Heath Ledger recently was big news, and now it is coming up again because of his role as the Joker in the upcoming release of the Batman film. But what was he really like? You can read many stories about him, but they are mostly about his roles. Apparently, during the Batman filming, the Joker role actually made him depressed because the character was so hopeless and evil. At nights he was taking sleeping pills among other things so he could sleep amidst this angst.

Most of us have had sleepless nights, and stress. Very few of us kill ourselves by an accidental overdose during these times. There is something that happens to people in Hollywood when they make it big, something that affects their minds. There should be some kind of course for these stars to take so they learn how to deal with the sudden changes.

How many of these shining stars burnt out and discovered they had no money left, after blowing millions? How many found themselves addicted to drugs, a shell of what they formerly were? Before they were just people like you and me, but fortune and fame took a heavy toll on them because they were not equipped to handle it.

Meanwhile, in Steve’s life

A lot of what I have talked about so far has been things I have learned, but today I’m going to tell you about what is going on right now. First, remember that video I posted as Video of the Week last Friday? It was for a Hollywood intern job to promote a new movie. I will tell you without shame - I had the best video, hands down. Yet, they interviewed ten people, and hired three, and I was not even one of the people interviewed! Who knows why, they didn’t answer my sarcastic inquiry.

Last night I sold my first screenplay. It was for very little, not union rate at all (think 2% of union rate.) But, I have now joined a group of screenwriters that actually have been paid for their work, so I guess you could say, I’m now a pro. This screenplay, oddly enough, was a remake of an original Chinese film that the client wanted me to rewrite in English for American audiences. It is a drama. It’s basically one of those foreign films where, life sucks, some things happen, life still sucks, the end. I have two other screenplays; one is based on my short film, Driving, (which will be my video of the week!) and the other is a comedy/horror I wrote with my friend Jason, the rock star. I’m going to interview him soon for Video of the Week, so stay tuned.

Picture of the Day

I was driving in Highland Park and I saw this bakery that was all painted up. A lot of ethnic neighborhoods have stores with this type of art on the side.

Video of the Week

If you know me at all personally, you have seen this video. However, it is very important as this short film is one of the reasons I decided to move out here, because I enjoyed making it so much.

Driving

“I’ll call you,” is probably one of the biggest lies you get. See, as an actor here you need to have a “biz card.” No, this is not a regular business card, this is an acting “biz” card with your headshot on it, preferably with a link to a website that has your resume and demo reel. I’ve given out hundreds of these things to people who have said they would use me for countless things, but never called.

Some people give you their card, and you call them. But you can never get hold of them. You leave a few messages and then realize they aren’t ever going to talk to you.

I submitted for a science TV show last year, there was a production company wanting to make a show about engineers blowing up things in different ways and explaining it. I got called because, get this, I was the only actor that submitted with actual science experience and knowledge. So I was talking to one of the production guys for months, it seemed great, then Discovery’s Smash Lab came out and it was all over.

I submitted for a daredevil show where they wanted a tech-savvy guy with experience — I was perfect for the role but I never even got a call.

Someone I met on a set was barely making it financially but she got work as an investment advisor for someone in Hollywood with money. Her small percent would have netted her millions, but at the last moment some legal problems came up with her client that prevented the deal, so she got nothing.

My rock star friend, Jason, got a role as the main villain in a movie where he was a vampire with over 60 pages of dialogue. As he was about to get on the plane to fly out there he was told by his agent that the production company didn’t put any of the money down to pay the actors, and so he never went. There went that role.

I got a call for a sci-fi movie I was working on that they needed me for a special scene with only a few people; I would have been paid with a union voucher which would have started my way into joining the actor’s union, SAG. I told them I’d have to get off work (since they wanted me tomorrow and it was 8pm) and I’d call my boss. I got my boss’ voice mail, left a message, and then ten minutes later the casting lady called and said, “Nevermind, we aren’t going to shoot that scene after all.”

You get used to it after a while. So many “big chances” come that never materialize. I’ve even got about 3-4 potential “big chances” right now, but I’m not holding my breath on any of them; I’m just trying to figure out how to pay the bills for the next few months.

Picture of the Day

In Little Tokyo (Japantown) there was a festival. I went with some friends. We walked by this model getting her picture taken, so I took one as well.

One of the things that us aspiring lead actors have to deal with is a fitness regimen. Granted, some character types are differently shaped, but the leading man has just the one shape: rock solid. Wait, is that even a shape?

Anyway, this means we get to go to the gym. The gym is full of lots of wonderful experiences. Here are some of my favorites:

* Old men in the locker room who walk around naked all the time

* Guys who sweat all over the equipment like they just got hit with a tear gas bomb

* Guys who smell really bad and work out right next to you 

* Guys who go to the gym to hit on women and pretend to exercise

* Women who… oh wait, I don’t have any complaints about the women. Maybe I should try to get into Curves? 

So I went to visit this upscale gym in Reseda with an actress friend of mine who brought me in as a guest. It was pretty nice, they had a lot of amenities. Most of the cars in the parking lot were expensive luxury cars so it seems like a high class place. When I went there, I brought my backpack, changed, and left the pack in an unlocked locker in the corner. Then I worked out.

When I got back, my pack was gone. I double checked all the nearby lockers. It was a nice backpack with dragons on it too. Very sad. In the pack were two things: My black pants, and a black shirt (Luckily I took my ID and important stuff with me.) It was during the winter so it was a bit cool out (don’t be too jealous) but I had to walk out of the gym with my trench coat on and my gym shorts. I looked like the prime example of a flasher.

Later I joined a local gym, and I would run on the treadmill. So, one time I was running and my driver’s license and stuff was poking me in my pocket so I took them out and put them into the little cup-holder thingy on the machine. Later I realized I had left them there. I came back, and they were gone. I checked with the desk, but no one had turned them in. So, I lost my ID and my credit cards. The thief was fast — he had tried to use my credit card just an hour later. But I foiled him, you see — my credit card was maxed out and way overdue! Ha! That’s what you get for stealing from poor actors. So, his (I assume it was a male) transaction was declined. 

Moral of these stories: watch your stuff at the gym!

Send me your questions 

So far I don’t have any fan mail to answer! It’s only been two days, but please email me at:

steveinhollywoodblog -AT- yahoo.com

and ask me your questions about Hollywood.

Picture of the Day

This is my favorite sushi place, Sushi Kai in Glendale.

Then YOU have what it takes to be a Hollywood Extra! That’s right, these “background” positions require barely more intelligence than your average moist potato. Yet, they are in demand all year in sunny Hollywood. Want to know more? This is what you’ll do in your exciting new career as a movie/TV background performer:

*Stand around behind actors during filming

*Sit around for hours and hours at a time, grazing from the snacks brought by catering

*Hold various objects

*Pretend to do various, daily, routine activities such as: eating, drinking, cheering, talking, and walking!

Seriously.

The Day of the Extra 

Basically, you usually get a “call time” of 6am or 9am, if it is a daytime shoot. Outdoors will usually be around 6am so they can get as much daylight as possible, indoors will usually be 9. You arrive on the set and are herded to the special “background” area. As background, you are basically just below the crew “gopher” and just above “dead earthworms” in the set hierarchy. If there is a special costume for you, you’ll go to wardrobe and get it. Often they will keep your pay voucher until you return the wardrobe, in case you are tempted to steal it. Then you may go to make up. It is also possible if it is just a scene with “regular people” you just wear your own clothes and do your own makeup. Of course, I’ve been a “regular people”, but also a space marine, an alien, and a gypsy, for example.

Then, we get to the real core of doing background work, the nitty gritty, the main job: sitting around waiting. Usually, when you get makeup and in costume, that is the first time you get to wait. About two hours is normal. Most experienced extras bring books or laptops; the more social ones bring card games. Many talk on their cell phones, unless the cattle pen– er, holding area, is too close to the set for sound. One thing I have learned that extras are terrible at: being quiet. The ADs (Assistant Directors) on the set are constantly shushing them.

Usually, as an extra, your shift is 11 to 13 hours. This means your whole day is pretty much shot, unless there is something useful you can accomplish while sitting around. Of course, if you tried to accomplish something, that would be they day they actually use you for 10 of the 12 hours you were there. Normally, I have found that extras are used about 1/3 or less of the time they are there. I have also found that my analogy is correct, most extras do have the intelligence of an above average moist potato.

One nice thing about being an extra is that the food is generally really good. I think it is because they have to pay one company to feed the main cast and crew, so they use the same one for us earthworms. If it would save them money to feed us raw wheat germ and it were allowed under union rules, I have no doubt they would do it.

So, they finally call us to set, we all stand around and wait to be positioned. They position us for the shot. Then the director decides they don’t really need us and sends us all back. This happens a lot. You get used to it. One great skill I have learned from background work: I now can sit around and do nothing for hours, skillfully, without hardly even getting bored. You’d be surprised how useful this is.

Eventually, the day ends, we get out of wardrobe, trade it for our pay voucher, get it signed, and then we get into the shuttle back to the parking area. If you are coming back the next day, you pretty much go home and sleep because you don’t have time for much else.

Picture of the day 

One morning, while living in the crazy house* I woke up to find this interesting rainbow. I found out it was caused by the reflection from a CD shining through a wine bottle on my desk.

*This is a whole blog unto itself, believe me.